I always knew that something would happen
Eventually I knew, someone would come
They wouldn’t come to be with me
Rather to shake up my world
Then – leave.
I just never knew when.
There is a hope that everyone has
Deep down inside all they really want is to be loved
For someone to love them in return
Two people turned to one
There is no such thing as chance meetings
No fate and no destiny
If there was, everything would figure itself out way sooner than it ever does.
There was a moment – maybe even a split second in time
When the earth stood completely still
Just for you to find me
When you found me
I didn’t see it coming and maybe that was a good thing
I would have built my hopes up
Just for them to eventually come crashing down
Like waves on the Jetty washing my heart upon jagged rocks
I’ll never forget that night
You were amazing
You didn’t even have to do anything to be perfect in my eyes
I just felt it
Not in your voice, smile, or eyes –
No, I felt it in your hands.
You held my hand so softly
I knew you were trying to be
You let me walk ahead
I splashed in front of you
While you smiled in the distance
I didn’t see the smile on your face
I knew deep down it was in your stomach
Just like mine
But that was ages ago
All memories – whether they are good or bad
Eventually fade away
And all we have left are the pictures we hope spark the memory
God damn you.
How dare you leave me?
No how dare you fucking do this.
How dare you pretend for a second I meant anything.
Even as I sit here,
The tears of this stupid fantasy I used to call reality
Is being written down
Let’s face it
You were right all along
I built you up, when clearly you were right
Nothing was ever meant to happen between us
You tried to warn me
I was too stubborn for my own damn good.
I was so young.
The part about us that really kills me
Is that it was over before you even let it begin
I was there
I was willing to meet you halfway
No make that all the way.
I gave and gave and gave to you
All you did was smile as you got what you wanted
You smiled as you broke my heart
I was stupid for letting you in
I burned a lot of bridges for you
People told me that you were not even close to what I needed
I looked away because deep down inside I thought you cared about me
Your cheating heart never really belonged to me
I handed you my heart out on a silver platter
A silver fucking platter
And you left it to be thrown away
What a fool I was
What a huge dumbass
I look back at it
Confused on where we stand
There was a point when I had no doubt in my mind that you were the one
Still, I think there is that chance that you were the one
They say all good things fall apart
So we can learn to put them back together
Who are we kidding?
You aren’t coming back
Even if you did
At this point, I wouldn’t want you back
There is that brief second where you stop
You take a look at what you have done and who you have done it with
And you realize
What a stupid word
A stupid foolish word that is used when you have no better reason to say
I would have accepted anything else
But not distance
To me, that just mean we didn’t try hard enough
What it boils down to is
You hurt to ones you love the most
That’s what they say
You must have been in serious love with me then.
I don’t know what happened to us
I really don’t.
Everything was going amazing
You were perfect
I didn’t see it coming
I wouldn’t have seen it from a mile away
But somehow you were standing five feet in front of me
When it happened.
I can’t believe I let this happen.
The strange thing is –
I don’t hate you.
It’s not who I am.
I’m just so broken inside.
I don’t remember where my heart
Should be located
Somehow, the only thing I can think to say to you is –
I can’t believe it.
I smiled for a second right then.
I want to thank you.
Thank you for being true to yourself
Even if it meant hurting me
Thank you for breaking my heart.
Thank you for fucking up my life for a second.
I wouldn’t be who I am now
I wouldn’t be strong enough
To walk away and deal with life
I would be the same girl
Who made the same mistakes
Time after time
I realized now
I am still young.
There is no right time to fall in love
It kind of just happens.
It’s not always when we plan or expect it to
It just happens.
You have to roll with the way things go
With the way stuff falls on your plate
I have learned from you
That there is no such thing as a perfect ending
No such thing as wonderful nights
Turning into even better mornings
No smiles ever turn into amazing kisses
No hurt ever fades away
I learned that from you.
Good or bad
So for now
I am going to sweep up my heart
all one thousand tiny shattered pieces —
Put them in a tin box
And place it in a safe place
There will be a day again when I can take it out
And show someone what’s in that box.
After this letter
I’m going back to the old me.
The me who used to call up my best friend in the morning
Just to see what she was wearing.
The girl who used to eat like a hippo
And lick the spoon afterwards.
The one who isn’t known for my height
But im known to dance if I have a killer dance tune
The old me, would sing obnoxiously loud
Just to be sure that the neighbors can hear how off-key I am.
I’m the girl who swears I am different
But deep down inside….
Lets be realistic..
We’re all the same.
Every girl just wants that one guy
To hold her and tell her its okay
Its fucking okay.
I just haven’t found my guy yet.
There was a place and time where everything in the world made perfect sense
Where there was no such thing as right and wrong
Nothing was awful and dark
There was only light and happiness
I want to find that place and time
And spend eternity waiting for my guy
To show up with flowers
And the softest hand I have ever felt.