It Has to be Me

Let me first just say, I hate guys.
Okay, now I am going to elaborate on that.

I fell in love with this guy who is totally wrong for me.
Everyone admits he’s wrong for me and even I know he is.
But when I was talking to him and when it was just me talking to him, it was like nothing else mattered.
When I was having a bad day, he was in some small way cheering me up..
I felt like a part of me definitely belonged to him.
But we’re over now…might I add we ended it via Skype.
Hurts like hell but he broke up with me…
AWESOME.

So then I went back out with my ex.
I don’t want any comments on this..
I realize it was a dumb move on my behalf.
Anyways, we were dating and it was still a lot of me giving everything to him and him just being a greedy bastard and not returning any care back for me.
I like being able to make people happy especially when I care about that person, but please…
A relationship is a two-way street.
You have to give and take…
He had NO REASON to break up with me… but he did.
Oh and he broke up with me… via text message.
His reasoning behind it…
He wasnt ready for a committment.
PERFECT.

Then I was dating this guy who.. let’s just say we met under the weirdest of circumstances.
Well… we were at a party at my place and this guy starting hitting on me…
So I thought it was cute and funny but then I sat down and he walked away to go smoke a cigarette and this other guy came over and sat next to me.
He started hitting on me but I was rejecting him.. clearly.
When the guy came back from smoking a cig, he saw me sitting next to the guy that was hitting on me…
He joked, and said “cheating on me with my best friend…”
It was a joke but then I felt trapped.
Like shit….
I ended up talking to the guy that I was rejecting at first and it turned out we had a lot in common…
We started dating a few weeks later…
I ended up spending the night at his house one day, just so while he slept, I could be privileged to:

Wash his dishes
Load the dishwasher
Start the dishwasher
Sort the laundry
Start a new load in the washer
Start a load in the dryer
Go back up-stairs to clean his bathroom
Pick up all the clothes around his room
Clean his room
Fix his broken lamp
Go back downstairs and feed his two dogs
Empty the dryer
Fold all of his laundry
Start making dinner
Empty the dishwasher
Make him dinner
Go upstairs and wake him up
Go back downstairs and set a plate up and a beer so when he got downstairs dinner and a beer were waiting for him with the remote sitting next to his dinner and they dog laying at his feet.

When he gets downstairs, he took one look at the dinner, ate two bites and told me he didn’t like red sauce and pushed the dinner away… but you best believe he drank that beer.

After dinner, I cleaned up and finished more laundry.
Then I went home after watching a movie with him.

We have spent almost everyday together… until three days ago.
And so, he breaks up with me.
He calls me and says, “I think we’re better off as friends.”
GREAT.

I have to wonder, if these guys are as wonderful as they first seem when we are together…
First off, why do they break up with me via all these other technologies rather than to my face?
Why don’t they treat me like I deserve to be treated?
After they break up with me, they say things like “are you okay…” Well how am I supposed to feel?
Glad that you broke up with me?
God, men are stupid sometimes…

With my track history though, I should probably be asking the other question at this point though…
When they say it’s not you, it’s really me…
They have to be meaning, it’s you — It’s ALL you.
So, what am I doing wrong?
Really?
It’s just getting sickening at this point.

I don’t smoke or do drugs.
I don’t have sex with anyone.
When I am in a relationship with someone, I am very dedicated to that person.
I am big-hearted and caring.
I don’t know.
I just don’t get it.

The worst part, I have gotten advice from some people just to date around.
Become a serial dater.
WHY?
So I will never fully give my feelings to one person?
So I can waste my time going on meaningless dates that eventually lead us nowhere?
No thank you.

Another option is being single for a while.
As much as I love the idea…
I don’t know if I want to be single anymore….
This doesn’t mean I will date just anybody.
I just want him to understand for once that’s all.

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