I Heard It Once…

(Pretty much the BEST lines I have heard all of Season Eight)

Flanders: Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly… aw, hell-diddly-ding-dong crap! Can’t you morons do anything right?! [everyone gasps]

Marge: Ned! We meant well, and everyone here tried their best.

Flanders: Well, my family and I can’t live in good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family’s out of control, but we can’t blame you, because you have good intentions!

Bart: Hey! Back off, man!

Flanders: Ooh, okay, dude! I wouldn’t want you to have a cow, man! Here’s a catch-phrase you better learn for your adult years: “Hey, buddy, got a quarter?” [everyone gasps]

Bart: I am shocked and appalled.

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn’t do anything.

Flanders: (sarcastic gasp of surprise) Do I hear the sound of butting in? It’s gotta be Lisa Simpson, Springfield’s answer to a question no one asked!

Chief Wiggum: (laughs)

Flanders: (to Wiggum) What do we have here? – The long flabby arm of the law? The last case you got the bottom of, was a case of Malamars!

Krusty: Malamars, oh haha. That’s going in the act.

Flanders: Oh yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn’t make me laugh. (to Lenny) And as for you, I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re a jerk!

Lenny: Hey, I’ve only been here a few minutes! What’s going on?

Flanders: (to Moe) You ugly, hate-filled man!

Moe: Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I… um, what was the third thing you said?

Flanders: (quietly) Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.

Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy.


Chris: Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I’m sorry about that. The truth is, I’m scared to be your friend, because I’m always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.  

Chris: [Jamie opens her door] You know that’s a lie too.  


Jamie Palamino: [Comes outside and closes her door] Why are you back here?  

Chris: Because I want to take you on a date. And I don’t care if it’s in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it’s a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.  

Chris: [Chris leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah! [Jamie laughs. Chris leans in and kisses her again]


2 thoughts on “I Heard It Once…

  1. I like this web site its a master peace ! Glad I discovered this on google. “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

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