To be happy is the choice I wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path.

So, within the past few weeks, life has been slowing down for me a bit.  My internship is completely finished so I am back to working just one job, waiting to hear where things are going to be going with Rothman.  Maybe they will hire me, maybe they won’t.  I don’t really know either way until my background check is completed.

Anyways, I was driving home the other night and I heard on the radio, “You will never know what you want in a partner, unless you figure it out yourself.”  So, for the past few days, I have been giving the notion a decent amount of thought.

Here’s what I have come up with so far:

Personality.  I can’t see myself with someone who has no personality.  If they are boring and really don’t seek any thrill in their life, I just don’t see it working out for us.

Humor.  I like to laugh.  I like to smile and have a good time.  I need someone who can do the same.  Make jokes at their own expense and be able to joke about the little things in life.

Adventure.  I like no planning things in life.  I want to be able to wake up and say, “Honey, let’s go skiing today” or “It’s nice outside, let’s go to the beach.”  I want someone who will be willing to just go on a whim with me where-ever.  I’m not saying we have to spend a lot of money.  I wouldn’t mind on rainy days just being like, “How’s peanut butter and jelly sound with a movie?”

Trust.  I have been lied to, cheated on, lied to some more, and disrespected in previous relationships.  When my ex wanted to go away on vacation or whatever, I didn’t question him.  I let him go.  I want the same trust I can give.  I want to know that, they would rather tell me the truth than lie to me.  If someone lies to you, it just means you weren’t worth the truth.

Loyalty.  This kind of follows the same lines.  I wouldn’t cheat.  You know why?  Because cheating is a terrible thing to do.  When you cheat, it only hurts everyone around you.  I want to know that my heart is their home.  No matter where they are.  No matter where they go… no matter who they are with.  I wouldn’t cheat, I would hope for the same respect.

Devotion.  It’s hard for me to use this word.  I have never felt like any one has ever really devoted their time to me.  I’m not saying they have to quit their job and praise me every second of the day, I’m saying, that they should make me feel like I’m loved.  That if a man really loves me, he would want to show me that he cares.  Spending our days off together or after work.  Anytime.

Affection. There’s always time to show someone you love them.  It doesn’t take a grand gesture like a marriage proposal or anything like that either.  Send flowers to me, just because you wanted to remind me that you love me.  Show up at my work, just to give me a hug and hold me in your arms.  Sprinkle rose petals on my floor leading to a table, where you made dinner for me.  Rent my favorite movie to curl up with me on the couch and watch with me, after we get home from work.  Remind me every day that you love me, because I know I would.  A simple text sent in the middle of the day, for no reason at all, saying “I love you” means more to me than a hundred dozen red roses.  Roses die, but love — when it’s real — never fades.

You know what I want most?  It’s kind of silly now that I think about it.  Well, maybe not SO silly.  Haha.  Anyways, I want to fall asleep next to someone I love.  His hands wrapped around my back, and my face resting between his shoulder and his chin.  I want to wake up, smiling.  Knowing I get to wake up to one of the best person that has ever walked into my life.  Knowing, that I would never walk out of his.

I want to be loved.  Not in a silly, giggly girl way but more-so, in the mature love kind of way.  I don’t just want anyone to love me.  I want the right person to love me.  Someone who will hold doors for me when we go out somewhere.  Someone who will open the car door and let me sit down before closing the door behind me.  A guy who will open an umbrella and hold it for me to stand under.  I want the old-school romantic kind of love I only seem to find in the movies nowadays.

I may be a cynic, but even I know when I have met my match.  You have to know when to admit defeat sometimes.  And here I am.  Doing just that.  I have these walls up to protect me from assholes, but it appears they usually still squeak by.  So rather than build stronger walls, it’s time I found higher standards.  I deserve to be treated right.

I deserve to have the movies and Chinese food nights.  I deserve to have roses on Valentine’s Day.  I deserve to wake up smiling every morning.  To go to sleep with a text or a phone call from someone saying “Sweet Dreams and I love you.”  I deserve to be happy.  Everyone deserves to be happy.

2 thoughts on “To be happy is the choice I wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path.

  1. Everyone does deserve to be happy, and furthermore to be loved!

    Before I met my wife, I used to have a type. You know, kind of defining features of what I expected out of someone. But here came my wife, completely different from what I had hoped for, but in an incredibly good way.

    Also, not silly to want just that. That’s the best part of being with someone you love.


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